Not that I’ve been anywhere near a bed with this guy. In fact, we’ve never met in person. But after all my shopping around for lenders, I was surprised to find that fees and rates are just one part of the picture.

It’s not like I chose a car because of the color. This guy had a good rate and normal fees. But he also took the time to explain things to me in language I could understand. He wasn’t a wheeler-dealer or a fast-talking banker dismissive of my questions.

Peace of Mind is Worth a Lot

There was also something about him that I trusted. First of all, a very good friend of mine uses him and recommended him without reservations. When you are entrusting not only your family’s home but your life’s savings to someone, you need to trust the guy.

I also remember his being a conservative broker (from a conversation back in 2005) who was not into making money at all costs. We had just moved to the U.S. from Italy and were considering buying a house, even though we had one meager salary and very little savings. Other brokers wanted to give us a no-doc loan or an interest-only loan, but this guy came back saying he couldn’t do it. If we had gone with one of the other guys, who knows if we would have ended up being one of the casualties of the subprime mortgage disaster.

But Aren’t You Supposed to Shop Around?

Yes, that advice is widespread, but I found it extremely hard to do in real life. There is so much jargon, so many numbers, so many conflicting explanations of what it all means, that the process just about brought me to tears.

Because I felt I had to (being a frugal mama and all), I compared rates with:

• our own bank (who got mixed reviews on its own Web site about its mortgage service)
• a SunTrust broker who administers doctor loans (a special loan we originally thought was our only chance at buying a home)
• a broker I found on the Web because he had one of the lowest rates in our area (also with a major bank — I was too scared to call one of the places I’d never heard of)
• my good friend’s broker (with Wells Fargo)

The interest rates were all quite similar. The fees seemed to be comparable, but they were all presented in different ways with different names. Figuring them out was like untangling a bowl of dried spaghetti.

So when my friend’s broker quoted me a very similar rate, spoke to me in a calm manner, and always e-mailed or called me back in a matter in minutes, even seconds, I heaved a big sigh of relief and said, let’s do business.

How to Find a Mortgage Broker

There is a steep learning curve when it comes to mortgages, and I still don’t feel at the top of it. But here are some tips I have learned along the way. Hopefully they can help someone make a little more sense of the process, and prevent a few white hairs.

1. Ask your real estate agent.

Agents work with all kinds of brokers (good and bad), and they usually have one or two favorites that they know work well. I didn’t do this myself because we were between realtors at the time, and we initially thought we could only get a “doctor loan.” (If you are in medical training, you might want to check out this type of loan, which at the moment is only offered by SunTrust and Bank of America.)

2. Ask your friends and family.

This is what my parents suggested after I called with a frog in my throat, because I felt so lost and confused by the shopping-around process. Most people you know probably have a home loan, so ask around and ye shall receive. I found it surprisingly soothing to talk to a loan officer who I felt I would be in good hands with.

3. Search for low rates by using BankRate.com, as recommended by CNNMoney.

Clear out a morning and get quotes all in one day since interest rates change daily. Also rates will depend on your specific situation — if the bank thinks you are a risky bet or not — so make sure you talk to a real person about your particular financial details.

4. Use the APR (annual percentage rate) to compare loans.

Fees. One of my worst headaches. There are millions of fees connected with getting a loan and some of the terms are very confusing. For example, an origination fee (sometime expressed in “points”) is not the same as an origination charge (a one-time processing fee). The APR includes both the interest rate AND all the associated fees and the lender’s closing costs, so it’s a handy way of comparing loans. (However, this method doesn’t work for an adjustable rate mortgage. Ugh — see what I mean?)

5. Inquire about closing times.

Ask the lender how long it takes to close (usually 30 to 45 days). Some brokers are overwhelmed or understaffed. You don’t want to be unable to get into your house when you need to because of an administrative hold-up.

6. Peruse the unbiased information in Buying a Home by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD).

Ironically, we got a HUD booklet, “Shopping for Your Home Loan,” in the mail from our bank after our offer to buy had been accepted. I would have loved to have had this information (together with Wells Fargo’s Guide to Understanding Your Home Financing) at the beginning of my home loan search.

Buying a house is extremely exciting, but it can also be bewildering. I hope these pointers will help make some sense of the confusing parts, so you can enjoy this happy time.

The photo at the top is the view from our attic, where my daughters hope to camp out, in our new house. We don’t close until the end of June, so I’ll save public celebrations until we have the keys. But … yay!

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