After I heard how Syracuse mom Kara Riedl spends only $200 a month at the supermarket, I knew our grocery bills were much higher than they needed to be.

Yes, it’s true we just had a fourth child and I’m still getting to know the system here, but I knew I could do better.

So when anchorwoman Megan Coleman of the NBC news show, Today in Central New York, asked me to do a weekly money-saving segment — starting with a trip to the grocery store –- I knew it was time to get back in the game.

Here’s how I did it, and how you can too.

1. Peruse the Store’s Weekly Sales Flyer

Find it in the Sunday paper, at the store, in your mailbox, or online; usually valid from Saturday to Saturday.

When you have some downtime at work or the kids are tucked in bed, take a minute to jot down good deals on foods that you like or would like to try.

Most supermarket websites will let you make up your shopping list just by clicking on sale items.

2. Focus on the Deepest Discounts

Select as many “Buy One, Get One Free” offers as you can.

Then focus on deep sales ($4 off per pound vs. 10 cents off).

Keep in mind that most stores do not require you to buy 10 items to take advantage of a “10 for $10” sale, but check your store’s policy.

3. Spend 10 Minutes (At Most) on Coupons

To be done well, couponing requires the time and energy of a part-time job. But you can still slice off a few quick dollars if you focus on high-value coupons right there in the flyer.

My store, TOPS, offered four $1 coupons that would double the value of $1 manufacturer’s coupons.

 

So I went to Coupons.com and quickly printed out four $1 coupons for hummus, canned tomatoes, sliced deli meat, and eggs, saving me a pretty painless $8.

And that’s it.

I paid $82 for $147 worth of groceries.

I saved $62 or 45%.

The time I spent?

About 20 minutes on writing down a shopping list based on the sales flyer and printing out 4 coupons.

The food I bought?

• Navel oranges
• red grapefruits
• cherry tomatoes
• colored peppers
• potatoes
• mangoes
• pre-washed salad
• baby carrots
• brie
• Tilapia filets
• frozen shrimp
• New York Strip steak
• all-natural sliced deli turkey
• Italian bread
• vitamins
• canned whole tomatoes
• mixed nuts
• popcorn
• hummus
• frozen mozzarella sticks, and
• eggs

Do you have ideas about saving money quickly on good food?  Let me know in the comments section below.

Free, unstructured, child-directed play is vanishing in today’s society.  Yet many believe it’s crucial to children’s intellectual and emotional development, and to our survival as an innovative nation that is competitive in the global marketplace.

Last week in Make-Believe: Free Yet Worth A Million, we talked about why free play is good and why it is disappearing.

Let’s get practical now. What if we want our children to be able to play more, but we don’t know where to start?  Here are some ideas:

1.  Eliminate one after-school activity a week.

Or we could limit each child to one activity per week. Also, we could leave at least one weekend day free of commitments and let the whole family have some downtime.

2.  Schedule in free play.

Instead of organized sports, which put a lot of pressure on kids to compete according to adult rules, we could schedule in playground time or an afternoon to just run around climbing trees, making forts in bushes, and searching for roly-polys.  If we join up with another parent, it becomes a social event for the adults too.

Stuart Brown, author of Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, claims that, “play deficiencies cause obesity, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, childhood depression, classroom ‘behavioral problems involving violence,’ and the ‘inability to interact well with peers.'”  (Let the Children Play Some More, New York Times Happy Days Blog)

3.  Provide our children with open-ended toys.

Arts and crafts supplies, dress-up clothes and hats, cars and trains, dolls and animals, legos and building sets are just some of the toys that require a child’s essential input to make them come to life.  We should steer away from media characters that appear in shows that kids know well.  (It’s too tempting for them to fall into repeating scenarios.)

4.  Concede a little chaos.

In last month’s New York Times’ article, Effort to Restore Children’s Play Gains Momentum, free play advocate and mother of three, Megan Rosker,

set aside the large sunroom in her home for the children and filled it with blocks, games, crayons, magazines to cut up and draw in, as well as toys and dress-up clothes. ‘”I think a big part of free play is having space to do it in, a space that isn’t ruled over by adults,” she said.”

“The other key is not to instruct kids how to play with something,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many board-game pieces have been turned into something else. But I let them do it because I figure their imagination is more valuable than the price of a board game.”

But, Ms. Rosker added, “I won’t claim any of this has been easy for me or my husband,” noting that her husband used to be “a total neat freak.” She said they have learned to live with disarray and to take other difficult steps, like strict limits on screen time.

5.  Show them how it’s done.

Most of us don’t want to make-believe for hours with our kids — and we shouldn’t have to.  But we can just get them started by picking up a stuffed animal or a truck and say in an animated voice, “I want my mommy!” or  “Our friend the elephant fell in some quicksand.  Let’s go save him!”

6.  Seriously limit screen time.

Play—the “ability to experiment with one’s surroundings as a form of problem-solving”—is the number one skill necessary to be able to use technology in the future, according to a recent study by MIT researchers.  (Healthy Media Choices)

It doesn’t seem possible, but today’s kids spend an average of 7 hours 38 minutes a day in front of screens, according to a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation last year.

A half an hour to an hour of screen time a day could be our new goal.  With all the activities vying for kids time (including oft-overlooked sleep), TV and video games should be a last resort.  As an added reinforcement, we can avoid using screens as entertainment on playdates and reduce the times our children see us in front of screens.  (Monkey see, monkey do.)

7.  Get them out.

On nice days, we might have to force our children to play outside, even if they claim they don’t want to.  If it helps, we could invite friends over, or get some things done ourselves outside, like shoveling snow, raking leaves, weeding, or gardening.

We could:

• give them supplies for a snowman, or food colors to dye the snow
• let them have a picnic on their own
• bring out armfuls of trucks or plastic animals, shovels and sleds
• encourage them to use bark and leaves to make houses for fairies
• ask them to see how many dandelions they can find (or icicles, special stones, or pinecones)
• install a simple sandbox in your backyard, or give them buckets to make snowcastles

8.  Don’t be afraid.

Meagan Francis, parenting author and blogger at The Happiest Mom, commented on my last post saying, “The one thing that would make the biggest change, I think, is less parental fear.”

Proponents of the Free-Range Kids movement say that the world is actually safer than it was when we were growing up.  Reality shows, crime series and news reels just make it seem as if the world is more dangerous.

If we need a pep talk about giving our kids freedom, as well as some pretty horrific stories about how society can make us feel bad about that, check out the Free-Range Kids blog, where the motto is, “How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children Without Going Nuts with Worry.”

9.  Talk to other parents.

Breaking away from the allure of illuminated story lines is hard, and to be fully supported, it will require a change in our culture. We can talk to other parents about what we are doing — letting play become contagious like a neighborhood of Victorian houses that goes pastel.

Important resources:

Alliance for Childhood

KaBOOM! (It Starts with a Playground)

Children and Nature (Building a Movement to Connect Children and Nature)

U.S. Play Coalition (Value of Play)

Play for Tomorrow (organizer of the Ultimate Block Party, 50,000 attendees in Central Park)

Final thought:  It’s Not Just For Kids

After gathering and analyzing thousands of case studies, Stuart Brown found in his book Play that:

“remembering what play is all about and making it part of our daily lives are probably the most important factors in being a fulfilled human being.

The ability to play is critical not only to being happy, but also to sustaining social relationships and being a creative, innovative person.”

If you want your kids to get into college, let them play, say experts from Harvard professors to preschool directors. “Scientists, psychologists, educators and others who are part of the play movement say that most of the social and intellectual skills one needs to succeed in life and work are first developed through childhood play,” reports the New York Times in Effort to Restore Children’s Play Gains Momentum.

Pretend, dramatic, or make-believe play is when kids act out stories involving various perspectives and playfully manipulate ideas and emotions, and it’s getting a lot of attention these days. Pretend play must seem frivolous or extraneous in today’s competitive, busy world.

Yet play is exactly what kids are in dire need of, child experts are saying, for their mental health and their future success. Here is what people are saying:

Most child development experts agree . . . that play is the foundation of intellectual exploration. It’s how children learn how to learn. Abilities essential for academic success and productivity in the workforce, such as problem solving, reasoning, and literacy, all develop through various kinds of play, as do social skills such as cooperation and sharing.  (Susan Linn, Harvard psychologist and author of The Case for Make Believe:  Saving Play in a Commercialized World, in an article at Babble, October 16, 2009)

The self-regulation skills that dramatic play has been found to develop are “a remarkably strong indicator of both short-term and long-term success, academic and otherwise . . . and have been shown to predict academic achievement more reliably than I.Q. tests.” (New York Times, September 25, 2009)

Children who engage in complex forms of socio-dramatic play have greater language skills than nonplayers, better social skills, more empathy, more imagination, and more of the subtle capacity to know what others mean. They are less aggressive and show more self-control and higher levels of thinking. Animal research suggest that they have larger brains with more complex neurological structures than nonplayers.  (March 2009 report Crisis in the Kindergarten: Why Children Need to Play in School by the Alliance for Childhood)

Why Pretend Play Has Become Precious

Even though play has always been considered what children do, and it’s considered a basic human right by the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, free play is becoming rarefied. Why?

Proliferation of screens. Traditional play may seem old-fashioned and dull compared to all the technology-related entertainment and games we have now.

No time. With bursting schedules of classes and school programs, children often don’t have time for plain old play. In fact, it seems like allowing your kids to just play is tantamount to not caring about them: enrichment classes and organized sports are touted as the way to prepare your child for a rich future.

Toy superstores. Places like Toys ‘R’ Us, Target, and Wal-Mart mostly offer toys based on TV shows or movies where children already know the script, or electronic toys that only require a child to push a button.

Plainness is intimidating. When the latest and greatest is flashy and high-tech, parents fear their children will be bored with a toy that doesn’t talk, walk, zoom, vroom, light up, or touch down.   In fact, usually the opposite is true. We often joke about how kids are more interested in the box the toy came in than the toy itself, yet we don’t listen to the underlying message.

In an interview with Babble, Linn says, “A good toy, a toy that nurtures creative play is ninety percent child and only ten percent toy. Play is useful for children, and engaging and exciting for children, when they drive the play, when they’re in charge of what’s going to happen in the play.”

Fear of the world outside. Whether it’s true or not, our society makes us feel that it is unsafe for children to play on their own outside. Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free Range Kids movement, says that kidnappings and other stranger crimes are in fact fewer today than they were when we were growing up. Blame the fear on media hype.

Unfamiliarity with nature. It’s a vicious circle — the less time children spend outside, the less comfortable they are with the great outdoors. Yet being out in green spaces is excellent stimulation for kids’ imaginations and, according to Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, nature can cure us from a host of modern ills.

Homework and busy work. On top of after-school activities and sports, kids often have lots of homework and pressure is everywhere to do more and better.

Competition for education. As the stakes for college seats, tuition, and good jobs rise, children are taking more extra classes in the arts, sports, or academics to help their chances of getting into a better middle school, high school, college, profession.

Yet experts are saying that what kids need is a little bit less programmed time and a bit more dream time. Especially in early childhood, from about two to seven years old, play involving make-believe worlds is associated with enhanced creativity, better language skills, emotional maturity, empathy and self-control, and even increased brain capacity for learning.

So it seems that while there is nothing wrong with spending money on enrichment classes and high-tech activities, imaginary worlds are just as valuable. Or as Coco Chanel said, “The best things in life are free. The second best things are very, very expensive.”

Photo credits: pirates, umbrella, sledding.

I love filling out forms.

I remember playing secretary when I was little:  it was just so satisfying filling in those perfect little boxes with letters and numbers, marking papers with a decisive thud of the inked stamp, and filing away the data-heavy pages in tidy little slots.  If only life was so light and easy to organize!

You’re going to think I’m really weird, but I actually look forward to getting our W-2s in the mail, so I can fill out the tax forms.  Being math-averse, this love of filing tax forms surprises even me.  Except the refund part.  We’ve almost always managed to score a chunky one, and of course, free money is almost as fun as putting things in little boxes.

I should say that I have never claimed itemized deductions for expenses such as moving, giving clothes to charity, donating to the natural history museum or whatever.  I tried it a couple of times, but the standard deduction has always been better (and no receipts to collect — that’s almost reason enough).

DIY, Walk-in Service or Software?

When I was single and working as a secretary by day and a poet by night (the best of both worlds!), I would get excited about filling out the 1040-EZ form with a Sharpie, which I did in less than 30 minutes.  Then I got married, had children, and continued to move from state to state, making taxes not so EZ.

Our first few years of marriage, I even chickened out and went to H&R Block.  Even though I paid around $300 for the service, we still got a huge refund and I kind-of liked the hand-holding.

Now I’m back to doing taxes on my own, but this time having my hand held by the more wallet-friendly tax preparation software.

The first time I bought the boxed version of TaxCut, H&R Block’s home software (now called H&R Block at Home).  Then I read an article in the New York Times where a reporter road-tested TaxCut, TurboTax and a high-end tax accountant, and concluded that an accountant was only slightly better than the $59.95 version of TurboTax.

Today we got a W-2 and two other tax forms in the mail today, and I could feel the excitement building.  Punching in numbers that magically appear in boxes will once again make life seem sleek and oh-so-streamlined.  And we might even cop a refund that would make us feel better about those last hog-wild months in New York City.

Which Software to Choose?

The easy way out would be to go with TurboTax again, since they can copy much of my information from last year, saving me time and hassle (for a total of $66.90 including a state return).

But being a frugal mama, I am of course tempted by the less expensive and even free options mentioned in this article from the Consumer Reports Money Blog:  Free Tax Prep and Filing Options Abound This Year.

The IRS offers free electronic filing (FreeFile) for people with an income of $58,000 or less, but many of the tax prep products also offer free federal filing no matter your income.  You still have to pay for state returns, and that cost can vary among the products.

In USA Today’s Tax preparation companies offer lots of free filing options, I was reminded that, “tax software companies are in the business of making money. If you use one of the free programs, you’ll probably have to fend off a lot of pitches to upgrade to a paid product.”

Come to think of it, I remember this being the case with TurboTax.  I picked the least expensive option and they kept trying to tantalize me, even bully me, into upgrading.

Free Options for Smart People

The same article also points out that, “you can always file your tax return for free by doing it the old-school way: with a pencil and paper.”  However for the first time this year, the IRS won’t be mailing paper forms to people who filed manually in the past.  You can either download and print them at irs.gov, or try FreeFile Fillable Forms.  According to USA Today, “FreeFile Fillable Forms provides electronic versions of tax forms that you can fill out and file for free. The program will do the math but won’t provide guidance.”

If we would stop moving around and have a normal life for once, I might trust myself to fill out our own tax forms again, using the preceding year’s return as a guide.  But alas, I think I’ll take the middle road again:  the not-free, but relatively cheap tax prep software.

To make an informed decision:  Cheapism analyzes the pros and cons of free and cheap tax preparation software, and TopTenReviews compares ten tax prep programs and their prices.

Post-Filing Notes and Advice

I just filed my taxes last night (Jan. 27).  I ended up using TurboTax again, the deluxe version for returning customers, to save time and hassle. The total cost was $60 for a federal and state return.  (TurboTax offers free tax tools as well.)

Overall the experience was good — I love how they keep reminding you they’ll make sure you get all the money you deserve.  In fact, we did get a huge return this year:  over $5,000!  I’m not sure why it was so big, but I noticed our refund go up significantly when I entered our moving expenses (which were also about $5,000).

However, I did encounter a few glitches with TurboTax.  It automatically carried over a form for self-employment from last year that did not apply to this year.  It caused all sorts of headaches and I had to call in.  The problem was somewhat resolved, but I’m still having issues printing the returns.

Also, the Bank of America 35% discount was not applied (see the comment section about this).  As long as you enter the TurboTax site through the bank’s website (which I did), the discount is supposed to be applied automatically.  If that does not happen, you can call TurboTax to apply the discount, according to people in the TurboTax forums.

Finally, I’ve heard that you don’t need to be a customer of the bank offering the discount, but it’s worth checking if your bank offers a similar discount since it might be easier to claim the benefit.  I am not a B of A customer, but I do have one of their credit cards, so maybe that will help me when I call to ask about my discount.

How will you prepare your taxes this year?

Photo credit

This article is a guest post by Jennifer Moore of Indulgent Health.

The poor, maligned potato.  Thrown out like the baby with the bathwater in the “no carbs!” and “no white foods!” crazes of the last two decades.

Point of clarification number one:  all fruits and vegetables are carbs, it’s the refined ones that are nutrient-poor and calorie-dense.

Point number two: it’s the aforementioned refining that strips otherwise good foods of their nutrients.  Potatoes are indeed carbs and many varieties are white, but please know that they are nutrient dense, high quality, tasty and filling good food.

The flesh and skin of the potato are full of vitamins C and B6, copper, potassium, manganese and fiber.  They’re rich in antioxidants.   The nutrients they contain can help lower blood pressure, build healthy cells, and maintain healthy heart function.

Bonus, most everyone loves to eat them.  They’re versatile, easy to prepare, they store well and they’re light on the wallet to boot!

Following is a handful of ways to serve potatoes.  No need to peel, just wash well.

Garlic Mashed:  Boil chopped potatoes, drain and puree with roasted garlic and olive oil.

Parmesan Roasted:  Toss cubed potatoes with parmesan, salt, pepper and parsley.  Bake on a sprayed sheetpan at 375 degrees for 20 minutes, turning once.

Rosemary Roasted:  Toss cubed potatoes with rosemary, parsley, salt, pepper, granulated garlic and olive oil.  Bake on a sprayed sheetpan at 375 degrees for 20 minutes, turning once.

de Provence Roasted: Toss cubed potatoes with herbs de provence, lemon zest, salt, pepper and olive oil.   Bake on a sprayed sheetpan at 375 degrees for 20 minutes, turning once.

Avocado Sauced:   Bake whole potato at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.  Split open and serve hot, drizzled with a sauce made by mashing together one avocado and 2 T olive oil.  Salt and pepper to taste.

Colcannon: Saute kale and onions in olive oil.  Add boiled potato cubes, mash well, season with nutmeg, salt, pepper, a pat of butter and a splash of milk.

Palak Aaloo:  Saute diced potato and cauliflower florets in olive oil.  Sprinkle in one teaspoon each of cumin seeds, turmeric, salt and chile powder.  Cook over low heat for 15 minutes, stir in chopped tomato and serve with fresh cilantro.

Jennifer Moore is a Holistic Health Counselor and former chef based in Alexandria, Virginia.  She teaches mindful eating, balanced living and guilt-free self care.  Check out her website at www.IndulgentHealth.com, and learn how you can reclaim your health and happiness by breaking free from cravings and emotional eating.

Photo credits: heart potato, market potatoes, red potatoes.

Tonight I’m talking to the Syracuse chapter of the Holistic Moms Network.  I’m honored:  with holistic moms’ passion for whole foods, simple living, consuming less, fresh air, all natural and home-made, I’m sure I’ll go home with a lot more ideas than I came with.  Here is what I’ll bring to the table.

1.  Cherish Your Long-Term Goals

Bend your budget to your values, not your values to your budget.

For example, when my husband and I were just starting out and I got a part-time job teaching English, we decided that we would not depend on my earnings  — at all.  Every penny would go into savings.  We would just make it work.  Why?

We wanted to have children soon, and I wanted the freedom to stay home with them if I wanted.  To avoid developing a lifestyle that was dependent on a double income, we immediately whisked my salary away into savings.  Not only did we gain freedom, but we also started building a nest egg that helped us pursue other dreams, like moving from his native Italy to the U.S. (It should be the other way around, I know!) and my husband going back to school so he could change careers (from public health to psychiatry).

What are you saving for?  Here are some common goals:

• buying a house
• retirement
• sending children to college
• amassing an emergency fund
• taking a sabbatical or dream trip

As Frugal Babe notes in a guest post she wrote for me this summer, “Never sacrifice what you want most for what you want right now.”

Tips for keeping your goals in the forefront:

• Change all your computer passwords to something about your goal, such as “houseinthecountry” or “$10,000by2012”
• Display images of your goal on your desktop, your car, your fridge (but don’t keep your passwords in view on your desktop)
• Cheer yourself on with visual displays of your progress, such as coloring in a graph of your savings
• Set up automatic transfers from checking to savings every month

2.  Track Your Spending

Print my daily expenses chart, use software such as Quicken, a free website like Mint.com, or simply create your own chart with pen and paper. Why?

• Avoid marital strife
• Stay accountable to yourself, your goals and your family
• Discourage non-essential purchases knowing they can’t be brushed under the rug
• Learn where you spend the most, where you could cut back, where you are doing well
• See instant results when you are successful in trimming expenses

Once you start, you’ll never say again, “Where does all the money go?”

3.  Be a Planner

Long term goals are important in saving money, but daily planning is essential.

Here are some examples of how this works:

Food:

If the refrigerator is full of fresh, perishable veggies, the beans are soaked and the meat is thawed, it’s hard to justify ordering in.  Also:  pack lunches, brew your own coffee, make double batches of recipes and freeze the rest.

Sign up for a farm shares (read: cheap organic produce) in the winter (or earlier) for the next growing season.  For more information on Community-Supported Agriculture, and a participating farm near you, see LocalHarvest.

If you want to plant your own, way before spring arrives research planting times and how to start seeds.

Outings:

Never, ever leave home without snacks and water.  For longer trips, bring a picnic lunch or dinner.

Travel:

Frequent flyer tickets with the lowest mileage requirements are snapped up almost a year in advance.  Subvert airline baggage fees by trying these tips.

Classes and education:

Be aware of deadlines for preschool or toddler classes.  Often the most economical (and high-quality) programs are those offered by the city, county or parks and recreation department.  If you think you qualify, ask about tuition reduction or scholarships.

Gifts:

Give yourself the time to make or buy thoughtful gifts.  Keep on hand a bunch of favorite yet inexpensive toys (we love Stomp Rockets) for last-minute presents.   Have your child make a personalized card well in advance.

For getting organized so we can better plan ahead, I love this book by my colleagues at Buttoned Up:  Pretty Neat: Get Organized and Let Go of Perfection.

4.  Join Communities

So many of us are separated from our families by thousands of miles. Participating in groups can not only make us feel less alone, safer and happier, it fosters co-operation, which can save us all a lot of money and make life easier.  Think about a neighborhood association, a PTA, a babysitting co-op, or a carpool group.

Are you a parent?  Then run, don’t walk, to join a group like one of these:

Local online parenting groups:

One of the easiest groups to join are local online communities (or email groups) that connect parents in a certain area.  (Search Yahoo or Google groups for one near you, or see Babble’s Top 12 Listserv Parent Networks.)

I love these groups for a quick and immediate way to exchange with a bunch of people at once — ideas, advice and tips on everything from affordable handymen and kids’ allowances to rummage sales and job openings.

In-person parenting groups:

Whether it’s a casual playgroup born through your pre-natal class or a chapter of a national organization like Holistic Moms Network or MOMS Club International, parenting groups are perfect venues for organizing co-operative efforts such as babysitting co-ops, clothing swaps, or meal deliveries to new moms.  Setting up a “free table” or a book/magazine/dvd table where people can leave or take whatever they want is a simple way to spread good karma and help people declutter or fill their needs.

I love the mission of MOPS International (Mothers of Preschoolers):  No Mother Alone.  At-home parenting can be lonely and isolating.

Plus, by joining groups — such as book clubs, churches, knitting circles, and parenting groups — and by just being a nice friendly person, you create social capital, or mutual goodwill.  You create social capital when you help someone carry a package, attend a neighborhood block party, or bring a plate of cookies to a shut-in.

In Is Social Capital More Valuable than Money?, the people at Get Rich Slowly explain how these everyday kindnesses “compound (just like compound interest) to yield larger returns in the future.”

Get this:

There appears to be a strong relationship between the possession of social capital and better health. ‘As a rough rule of thumb, if you belong to no groups but decide to join one, you cut your risk of dying over the next year in half. If you smoke and belong to no groups, it’s a toss-up statistically whether you should stop smoking or start joining’. Regular club attendance, volunteering, entertaining, or church attendance is the happiness equivalent of getting a college degree or more than doubling your income. Civic connections rival marriage and affluence as predictors of life happiness.  (Cited from a 1998 book by Bo Rothstein in the definition of social capital at Informal Education.)

5.  Find the Free: Ask, Swap and Do-it-Yourself

Give and Take

Instead of spending the time and effort selling my stuff on places like Craigslist or to other moms on a listserv, I prefer to give it away.   I’m no entrepreneur but, in my experience, the money earned in consignment sales and eBay is not worth the effort. It makes me feel bad to get so little for objects that were well-loved by our family.

In contrast I save time (and money, if time is money) and feel good when I can just bag it up and find someone who is grateful to have it, whether it’s a neighbor or friend, someone in Freecycle, or a charity like Salvation Army.

Maybe because I regularly give, I feel comfortable asking for cast-offs such as hand-me-down clothing.

If you belong to a group (see #4), it’s easy to send an email asking if anyone is ready to pass along their size 3T boys clothing or summer season maternity clothes.  It can be hard to let go, and most people are grateful for the opportunity to see their clothes go to someone who will appreciate them.

Do-it-Yourself or Delegate

You don’t have to be crafty or good in the kitchen to make home-made party supplies and food.  There are lots of other ways you and your family can band together to get jobs done.

Think about how your children can help the economy of family—it teaches them life skills and the value of working together.

When we lived in New York City and could not spare a dime, my two daughters (then aged 5 and 7) helped me clean the house. We used a cleaning wheel to keep it fair and consistent, and every Saturday and Sunday morning we each took our turn to dust the living room or clean the bathroom or vacuum the bedrooms. It’s amazing how well children respond to being treated like grown-ups, and how feeling needed and respected can foster a sense of unity and strength in a family.

Barter, Exchange, Swap

Within a community of people (again, see #4), there is no limit to what you can exchange among others. Here are just some of the ways you can save money, make friends and have fun:

• Clothing swaps (kids, womens or family clothing; it’s easy to host a clothing swap party)
• Toy swaps (organized between families like a clothing swap) as suggested by the authors of Pretty Neat: Let Go of Perfection and Get Organized
• Neighborhood tool shed:  “No one has to invest a lot of money to own a lot of tools that only get used periodically,” says Karen Falter of Cincinnati about communities that swap tools. “The neighbors make a list of who owns what and circulate the list to everyone. They develop a set of rules about what to do if someone breaks or loses a tool and an easy method of going about borrowing tools.  I knew a group that made a group purchase of a snow-blower, decided who stored it, shared costs of maintenance and passed it around when needed.”
• Dinner exchange (See the New York Times’ Save Time and Stress with a Cooking Co-op)
• Babysitting swaps, babysitting parties, babysitting co-ops, co-operative preschools

What is your key to saving money and making life better? Let me know in the comments section below.

Thank you to all of you who read and left organizing tips on my post about Pretty Neat: Get Organized and Let Go of Perfection. I loved all of them. The winning tip came from the SimplyStacie blog: you can read more about it here.

It was the most difficult moment of every day.

Yelling, pleading, rushing, nagging, and general frantic running around every weekday morning sapped me of energy.  It made me feel witchy.  And I realized:  I was babying children who were capable of being responsible for themselves.

My daughters were in kindergarten and first grade when we put an end to (most of) the morning madness. Our system still involves three key elements:

1. Kitchen timer
2. List of tasks to be done
3. Reward (and consequence) chart

Here is the chart we are currently using (my daughters are now 7 and 9).

 

You download a customizable document version or a printable pdf version of my chart.

As you can see, we added similarly challenging transitions: unpacking after school and getting ready for bed in time (“in time” meaning 15 minutes, not the two hours it would naturally take two or three kids who have an unbelievable ability to get sidetracked by show tunes, random plastic dinosaurs, bickering about who was using the stool first, making funny faces in the mirror — anything that will delay actually getting into bed).

The chart has a couple of blank lines to add some other behavior we want to work on, such as putting napkins on laps, following directions, flossing, telling the truth, etcetera, etcetera.  (I included Saturday and Sunday because sometime we have swim lessons in the morning and we need motivation.)

Here’s how our morning routine works:

1. Parent Gets Self Ready First

Unfortunately this step is crucial if I need to leave the house with the kids.  Whenever the captain of the ship thinks she can roll out of bed at the same time as her crew, it always ends badly.

To make this work, I have to wake up 1/2 hour earlier to down my caffeine and get myself ready. This takes real discipline (and ideally a good night’s sleep).

If I don’t have to get out of the door at the same time, I get to sleep an extra half hour.  (Our current school bus will pick up my kids in front of our house, so I have to be motivated to get myself and the two little boys dressed so we can walk to school. Like exercising, I always feel better afterwards, but it’s not always easy whipping off those covers when the ground is covered with snow.)

2. Wake Kids and Start the Clock

I wake up my girls at 7:00 a.m. and set the timer for 60 minutes.

Very important: Build in an extra 15 minutes of fudge time. For example, my kids have to be ready by 8:00, but we don’t actually have to leave until 8:15. So if they mess up, we’re never actually late for school.

If they do get ready in the allotted 60 minutes, not only do they get a sticker (more on that later), but they get 15 minutes of free play time.

Note on timers for kids: We originally used a small version of the kind of visual timers that schools use, where kids can see in red how much time is left like a pie being slowly eaten. When our Time Timer mysteriously disappeared, I decided not to plunk down another $30 to replace it, since it was a bit fragile and the alarm sound was so faint and brief.  Now we use a regular kitchen timer and that’s just fine.

3. Show What is Expected with a List

Last year we taped to their bedroom wall a list of the items that needed to be done (this year they can do it without the list). For pre-literate children, you could draw or print clip-art pictures of the basic tasks. Here is what our list included:

• Get dressed
• Brush hair
• Eat breakfast
• Brush teeth
• Prepare backpack

4. Build In Chores that Help the Family

With a system in place and plenty of time, I thought, why not throw in a couple of tasks that normal civilized people probably do every day?  So onto our list went:

• Make bed
• Straighten up bedroom or living room  (Cleaning up a room together caused squabbles about who was doing more or better, so my girls alternate straightening up their bedroom or the living room, which is often just as strewn with toys and craft supplies.)

What a win-win! Not only do I come back home relaxed and peaceful (most days), but our living space is (most days) free of clutter and my kids’ room is neat and tidy.

And amazingly, under those grumbles, I can tell they are proud of how they help me keep the house in order.

5. Use Carrots and Sticks to Motivate

This part is the most inconstant aspect of our routine, as rewards and consequences tend to lose their power as children grow and change. When things start getting a little too crazy and the kids would clearly rather horse around in the morning than get a prize (or punishment), I know it’s time to change things up again.

Prizes

At first I think we used marbles in a jar. When the marbles reached a line I drew on the jar, the child got a prize we had agreed on. It was pretty big since they needed quite a few marbles to get there. I was in a clutter-hating phase (must have had something to do with living in an apartment in Manhattan), so the prizes were things like one-on-one time with a parent or going somewhere together like the zoo or ice-skating.

Punishments

Much of this system was inspired by the no-nonsense tome Parent Power, where parenting expert John Rosemond suggests quite strict consequences. Instead of 15 minute time-outs, it was no playing after school (two to three hours alone in one’s room).

I found this to be too hard to keep up over time: the girls tested me and I had to use this punishment quite a few times in the beginning. It was embarrassing to have to cancel playdates and, frankly, painful for me as a parent to be so tough.

Both

This year rewards or consequences alone did not work, so now we do both. If my daughters get ready for school in time, they write a smiley face in the box. After 15 smiley faces, they get a little prize.

I give them books from the Scholastic flyer, tiny animals they love to play with, flavored lip balm, or some other inexpensive thing they are excited about at the time. They are (currently) quite motivated by these prizes.

(Note, if one week ends without reaching the 15 smiley faces — which happens all the time — then we carry over the number of points earned so far by writing a note on the new chart.)

If they don’t get ready in time, then they get an X in that box. Each X is equal to a chore (above their normal chores like setting the table and sweeping after meals). I might ask them to fold laundry, straighten their brother’s room, play with the baby when he’s fussy, rake leaves, etc.  When the chore is completed, they get to color in the box.

What I like about chores as consequences is that I win either way. I’d rather they get ready with time to spare, but if they don’t, at least I know that someone else will be sweeping the deck.

Are We Ever Late for School?

Since my third grader has been attending school, we have rarely, if ever, been late.

Are there close calls?  Sure. Do I still yell and nag?  Yes. Do my daughters spend 30 minutes giggling over breakfast, barely pulling on their boots as the bus pulls up, their beds still unmade and their hair tangly?  Yes.

But most of the time, our routine works pretty well. Often the effectiveness depends on how much sleep they’ve gotten the night before, and how motivated they are by the carrots and sticks (which is why we unfortunately have to change ours every so often).

I’ve come to realize that no system is going to work like clockwork every day. Kids are not machines. That’s what makes them both exasperating and absolutely adorable.

And your routine will look different from mine, because personalities are so different. One of my daughters is internally motivated to be responsible and punctual, but her sister is the type to need a partner in crime.

Come to think of it, maybe I should have them get ready separately.  Then again, a little bit of craziness is kind-of fun.

When I was single, New Year’s Eve always presented a dilemma: restaurants and organized parties charged an arm and a leg, but how to make the night special?

Now that we have children, finding and paying a babysitter doubles the premium for a night out.

Over the past few years, we’ve developed a new tradition of throwing a small party: we invite a few couples over for dinner and dancing. So kids can be involved, we celebrate midnight with the Brazilian islands: at 9 p.m. Another hour of dancing and carrying on, and there’s still time for a good night’s sleep (or another party for guests who are still cool enough).

Here’s how to quickly put together a little bash that won’t break the bank, but will be easy enough that you’ll want to repeat it year after year.

Set Your Clocks to Midnight…Somewhere

It gets dark early these days, so it’s easy to trick yourselves into believing the night is not young.

My friend Eve arranges her kid-friendly parties around Morocco’s celebration at 7 p.m. To celebrate at 8 p.m., call it an Azores festa.  My parents and their friends line up with Buenos Aires and make the ball drop at 10 p.m.  (Tailor your own party by finding out who is chiming in the new year when.)

Allow about an hour for appetizers and chatting, an hour or two for eating dinner (depending on whether you’ll have a separate seating for the kids), and at least an hour for toasting “midnight,” dancing, and generally acting silly.

Gather Your Guests

Use the phone (or email) to get instant responses so you can start planning. To make the home party a little more glamourous, ask people to get a little fancy or to wear something crazy.

Hit the Dollar Store

Grab some noisemakers, crazy hats and streamers. While you’re there, pick up candles of all sizes from tea lights to sticks to pillars.

Plan the Menu

To sail into the new year with ease, forget fancy recipes. Cook an old family favorite — it’s still new to your guests, and making something familiar will give you more energy for partying. Then just break out one simple special element, like sprinkles on ice cream with sparkler-candles.

Want to get more elaborate?  Babble has recipes for 7 traditional and lucky New Year’s dishes from around the world, including ring-shaped cakes that symbolize wholeness or leafy greens that represent folded money.

Don’t Forget the Drinks

Wine, beer and champagne are perfect items for your guests to chip in.  (You might want to have a bottle of bubbly on hand, just in case.)  And don’t forget some sparkling grape juice or other fizzy drinks for the kids and designated drivers.

Give a Thought to Decor

Use the party hats and horns to decorate the house and table. Christmas decor (like stars, snowflakes, tinsel, and silver and gold balls) easily add sparkle to the night. Dim the lights and place candles everywhere (obviously keeping in mind young children and fire hazards).

Line Up the Music

For arrival and cocktail hour, we like lounge music. Dinnertime: something smooth and rich like Andrea Boccelli or Il Divo. Party hour: dance music or nostalgic favorites from the 70s, 80s or 90s.

Besides the shameless singing, dancing, and hat-donning, this is the one time of year we allow kids to dance on couches and coffee tables (okay, the grown-ups do it a little bit too).

And hey, how can the neighbors complain when it’s all over by 10 p.m.?

This week I had fun writing an article for Slow Family Online about holiday traditions and their power to take the pressure off presents:  Downplay Gift-Giving and Bring up Ritual, Meaning and Fun.

Ever heard of the Slow Movement?  Slow Food “was founded in 1989 to counter the rise of fast food and fast life, the disappearance of local food traditions and people’s dwindling interest in the food they eat, where it comes from, how it tastes and how our food choices affect the rest of the world.”

Slow Parenting is about turning back the pace of modern life as it applies to raising children.

Founder of Slow Family Online and Social Media Director for Children and Nature, Suz Lipman explains that Slow Parenting is about:

• allowing free play
• using resources wisely to help the planet and ourselves
• getting better in touch with our food, lives and health
• reclaiming lost tactile arts, and
• forming healthy communities and loving families

I feel naturally drawn to the Slow Movement.  Our tight budget has been a catalyst, forcing me to slow down, to make things by hand, to take advantage of playgrounds and nature, and to try to ignore the hype of our commerce-driven world.

You can read more about slow parenting at Wikipedia, or by subscribing to Slow Family Online.

I hope you enjoy the article about how to up-play holiday traditions — I consulted an author and friend who often writes about ritual — and I think you’ll find lots of helpful tidbits and ideas.